


Average Peter Parker

by PrinceDork



Series: Marvel [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Crack, Fluff, Gay, Kinda?, Marvel - Freeform, Meme, Mild Language, Multi, Peter is a child, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Trans Peter Parker, bc hes like 15, but figuratively, it belongs to stephen, like a literal child, mcu - Freeform, more tags later lol, one shots, oof, requests open, there is one braincell in this entire book
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 01:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20073685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceDork/pseuds/PrinceDork
Summary: Peter B. Parker was a normal kid, at a normal school, with a normal life. Normal, until, he got accepted as an intern for Tony Stark himself. He was brilliant, yes, but otherwise just an average boy.Except he wasn’t, but no one but Mr. Stark and his aunt (and a few others) were to know of thisThis is an odd combination of Crack, Fluff, and Angst, so have fun I guess. Or not.





	1. Spaget

Peter B. Parker was a normal kid, at a normal school, with a normal life. Normal, until, he got accepted as an intern for Tony Stark himself. He was brilliant, yes, but otherwise just an average boy.

Except he wasn’t, but no one but Mr. Stark and his aunt (and a few others) were to know of this. 

Peter at this point in time was doing normal human teenage boy things - working on a school project with another incredibly intelligent boy who Peter had never really spoken to until now. They were sat at a cozy little cafe, each enjoying their own coffees while they typed away at their computers. 

The other boy, Logan, owned an older laptop that was annoyingly slow. He was drinking a heavily sweetened drink as he squinted at the screen, his free hand dancing across the keys in a sort of rhythm. 

Peter was also drinking a sweetened drink, though he had almost finished it by now. He watched the words move across the screen as he took in information from is fancy new laptop, courtesy of his internship.

It was quiet and peaceful as both boys worked in silence, before suddenly both were startled by Peter’s phone going off. Peter snatched it up, though by then Logan had already seen the caller and was looking at Peter with an awed expression, as Peter quickly answered. 

“Mr. Stark? Hey, uh -”

“Hey kid. I got bored and have been thinking up updates for the suit, can you come check them out?” 

Peter looked at Logan for a moment, before standing up and walking out of the cafe. 

“Yeah, yeah, uh, when do you need me?” 

“Are you busy?”

“Yeah, I am, actually.” 

“Okay, Happy will pick you up tonight. Is there anything you’d like in the suit?” 

“I can swing over myself, thanks. And I think it’s perfect, I really don’t need anything else, thank you Mr. Stark.”

“No problem, Spiderling. See ya tonight.” 

Peter stared at his home screen for a few minutes, before returning to the cafe and going back to work as if nothing happened.

“So you really have an internship.” Logan said, raising an eyebrow as he peered at Peter over his screen. 

“How else would I have this?” Joked Peter, waving a hand at his laptop. 

Logan have a light chuckle and nodded. “I’ve always admired the guy.” He commented. “I envy you.” 

Peter frowned, but said nothing more.

\---

Spiderman swung into the window of a large building, heaving desperately as he struggled for air.

He landed on the floor of the bedroom Mr. Stark had given to him, for whenever he stayed at the building. He desperately clawed off the top of his suit, leaving the top dangling from his waist, as he sat on his knees on the floor. He reached behind him, his fingers fumbling to remove the undergarment from his chest. He tossed it before him, wheezing and gasping.

Crap. 

He lay there for many minutes, struggling to calm his ragged breathing. He felt like someone was crushing his lungs, as if he was once again pinned underneath a block of concrete fighting for his life. But this time he couldn’t help it.

God, he was such an idiot.

Peter finally managed to control his breathing, though his chest still stabbed at him with every breath. He might have to pretend to be sick or something for the next few days. He stood, shakily, and removed the entirety of his suit before hanging it in his closet. He grabbed pants and a hoodie that was three times his size as to avert any suspicion. 

By the time he was fully dressed, he heard a loud knock at the door. He flinched slightly and called out a greeting, inviting them in as he kicked his undergarment under his bed and watched the barrier swing open.

A muscular blonde smiled at him from the doorway, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Spider-child! You’re here!” He exclaimed in a loud, deep voice. “It is good to see you!” 

“Hey, Mr. Thor!” Greeted Peter, walking over to the guest and being embraced in a bone-crushing hug. On most days it didn’t bother him, but today he gave a little gasp and a wheeze. Thor paid no mind to it, releasing Peter and clapping him on the shoulder. 

“Come, Spider-Child! Loki has tried his hand at Midguardian cooking! We need someone to try it!” He told Peter, guiding him out of the room as he spoke. 

“Oh, cool! I’d love to!” Peter replied, always enjoying an opportunity to eat. He ate like a vacuum, but was too afraid to ask for more than what was offered to him. Thor, however, was not accustomed to Midguardian diets just yet, and always offered way more than a normal human could eat. 

They made their way to an elevator, Thor adamant that he get to push the buttons. He still had a child-like response to the elevator which amused Peter, who felt the same way. When they made their way to the kitchen, Peter was greeted by a delightful smell of cheese and chicken. 

“Hey, Mr. Loki!” Peter exclaimed, racing to the stove where Loki was stirring a large pot of an unknown substance. “Whatcha cooking?” He leaned over the pot, reaching out a finger to pick out a piece. He was stopped, however, when Loki gently slapped his wrist away with a large spoon. 

“It’s not complete.” Loki replied, though not as coldly as he would to anyone else. He had a certain fondness for the boy, though he would never admit this to anyone else. “It’s some sort of noodle dish, or so I have read.” Loki pointed to a cookbook that was hovering a few feet to his left, which Peter rushed over to examine. 

“Ooo, I love pasta!” Exclaimed Peter, reading it briefly before rushing back to peer into the pot. “When will it be ready?” 

“Soon, Spider-Boy. You must be patient.”

Peter gave an exaggerated groan, making his way to sit on a barstool next to Thor who was watching with an amused expression. “So, how is Asgard?” Asked Peter, attempting conversation as he practically drooled over the soon-to-be-completed meal. 

“Asgard is well, Spider-Child! We are as powerful as ever!” Replied Thor loudly, to which Loki gave a scoff. 

“Barely. With you in charge it would be falling apart if it weren’t for us.” The younger brother said, throwing a spice into his dish as he squinted at the recepie. “Hela has been doing the most work, dare I admit, though she is quite a skilled leader.” He added. 

“When do you think I can visit Asgard?” Asked Peter, glancing between them excitedly. 

“As soon as the Man of Iron allows it.” Replied Thor. 

“Or as soon as we can steal you from his watchful gaze.” Added Loki, throwing Peter a mischievous wink. 

Just as Loki finished his statement, the elevator doors dinged and opened, revealing an exhausted man with an arm of metal. 

“Please tell me there’s food.” Groaned Bucky, making his way to Thor and Peter and seating himself beside them. 

“Not for you, there isn’t.” Replied Loki sharply. 

Bucky frowned, sticking out his bottom lip as if he was pouting. “Come on, there’s plenty for me! I’m starving!” 

“You should have thought of that before you painted Crowley.” Spat Loki. 

“That was ages ago, Lokester! Besides, no Harm no Foul?” Protested Bucky, as Peter quietly said “Oof.” 

“It was last week.” Replied Loki, dishing out two plates of food and passing them to Thor and Peter quickly. Bucky made a move to steal them but found a knife held to his face. 

Peter scarfed down the food quickly, his eyes sparkling with joy as he called praise Loki. Once he was finished, he was quickly given another plateful of pasta. 

When he finally ate his fill (something he didn’t get to do often), he disposed of his dishes and thanked the gods before rushing up to his quarters.


	2. australia yeet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter watches some gay idiots struggle without any of their braincells.

It was peaceful and quiet in the tower, the living room packed full of windows, couches, and some awesome game system. Peter was aggressively getting his ass handed to him in Smash, but he was distracted. 

He was startled out of his gamer trance with an odd noise behind him, and a familiar voice.

“Parker, where is Stark?” A calm voice sounded from behind the couch where Peter was sitting, so he tilted his head to peer up at an upside-down wizard. Peter didn’t remember going to Australia. 

“Hi Mister Doctor Strange sir.” Peter greeted, losing his game and setting his controller down. “Mr. Stark has been in his lab for the past 48 hours.” 

Strange sighed heavily, having reminded Peter to call him simply “Doctor Strange, Strange, or even Stephen”, but to no avail. “I shall go visit him.” He turned and, too lazy to walk down the stairs or even take an elevator, opened his portal. Peter yeeted himself over the couch and stood beside Strange, smiling brightly. “I’ll come!” He exclaimed. 

Strange knew by now not to argue, so he allowed the spider-boy to follow him through the portal. 

Peter scanned the lab upon entering, not particularly surprised by the scene. It was a mess, parts scattered everywhere, the only clear space was the table where Bucky was sprawled across, a small blanket thrown across his knees and calves, and snoring rather loudly. Tony was bent over a table near Bucky, messing with a hunk of metal that was once an arm. 

“Hey Peter, hey Gandalf.” Tony greeted, glancing up at them and making the large bags under his eyes visible. He gave a tired smile and returned to his work. 

“Stark, how long have you been awake?” Inquired the wizard, in an almost loving manner. Peter hid his giggles under his hand. 

“Uh…” Stark checked his watch. “38… going on 39?” He replied, returning his work. “Its nothing, really, longest I’ve gone is like three weeks.” 

“You need to rest, Stark, your body needs time to relax. Barnes’ arm isn’t going anywhere.” Strange attempted to comfort Tony, walking over to where he sat and resting his hands on Tony’s shoulders. 

Tony opened his mouth to retort with some witty comment coupled with a stupid nickname, but was cut off by his phone buzzing - a text. He opened it and read the message, Strange leaning down to read it with a raised eyebrow. 

“Here, back up Potter, I’ll send him a picture.” Peter was a bit lost at this point, so he excitedly watch Tony and Stephen totally not being in love. Peter shipped it, at least. Tony pushed back his chair and snapped a picture of the sleeping super soldier, quickly sending it to who Peter only assumed to be Steve, before putting it down and returning to his argument with the wizard. 

Again, his retort was cut off, but this time from a loud clamoring from a floor or two up. Bucky was startled awake, blinking sleepiness out of his eyes as he looked around. “What…” He muttered, but silenced by a distant grunt and a clang. Bucky turned to Tony, who put his hands up defensively. “I just sent him a picture of you, Bicky.” 

The door was thrown open, Steve being revealed on the other side. “Stark! Why didn’t you give him a bed! He’ll hurt himself!” He told Tony, angry. Tony shrugged. 

“That man weighs more than this entire building, it’s a wonder he didn’t sink through the floor.” Tony replied. “I was too busy and, frankly, too lazy to carry him up to a bed. He’s your husband, you take care of it.” 

“He’s - not - my -” Steve stammered, glaring at Tony as he moved to Bucky. “Your husband should be keeping you in check.” He retorted, looking his not husband up and down to see how he was. It was weird seeing him missing an arm, but Bucky was otherwise fine.

“Who?” Asked Tony, seeming genuinely confused as he raised an eyebrow. From behind, Stephen gave a slight scoff. 

Steve gave no more responses, instead helping Bucky off the table and leaving the lab with a final glare. 

“Who was he talking about?” Tony pondered as he made his way back to his workstation, but was cut off by Doctor Strange picking him right up like a baby. Tony let out a sort of squak, before he was portaled away by his captor. 

Peter, left alone in the lab, burst out into a fit of giggles. He was surrounded by gay dumbasses - though, to be fair, he was one of them. He eventually made his way to what would become Bucky’s new arm, examined it briefly, before leaving to go talk to someone else. Maybe Loki - Loki was cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still reading this? Props to you! Struggling for ideas, but I gave this one a shot. If you have any requests, let me know! Consider giving kudos and/or commenting if you havent already, it means a lot! <3 - Jordan
> 
> ps - thanks to this lad for ideas  
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystal_Gatorade


	3. Tony Stark's Sleeping Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony hasn't been sleeping at all, and Stephen takes it upon himself to get him to bed. 
> 
> Or: Tony Stark is a dumbass gay but so is Stephen

Tony had an unhealthy sleep schedule. Everyone knew this, it was one of his many ‘Talents’. Most everyone had already given up on stopping him, just gently pushing him towards healthier habits. Not very successful, though.

But one person who had not given up was Stephen Strange, the wizard who was a recent addition to the team. He wasn’t as close as the others, he didn’t live in the compound and wasn’t with them twentyfour-seven. But he was still a member of the team, and was still there when needed.

And now, apparently, Stephen was needed to keep Tony Stark in place.

He had portaled into the lab where Tony was boarded up, after hearing he had been in there for two days straight with no food or sleep. There were a couple snack bags and soda cans tossed about, and Stephen found himself instinctively cleaning up. 

“Hey, Crouch Junior.” Greeted Tony, not glancing up from where he was hunched over a desk. Stephen picked up a bag of freeze-dried blueberries and tossed it into the trash. 

“Crouch Junior?” Stephen asked, moving about the room to clean up Tony’s food remains. 

“Yanno, the guy from Harry Potter, played by David Tennant.” Tony explained, and Stephen already knew where Tony was going. Tony always informed Stephen that Tennant was “a sexy snake man”. 

Stephen felt a flash of pride, being compared to Tony’s celebrity crush. He said nothing more on the matter, however, changing the subject quickly. 

“You’ve been up for fifty-two hours straight, Tony, you need to get to bed.” Stephen finished cleaning up and wrinkled his nose at the mess of metals and scraps scattered on the table, but knew better than to touch them. 

“I’m good, busy, thanks Wizzardo.” Tony replied absently, pushing himself away from his desk on the rolling office chair to another table, digging through it in search of something.

“This really isn’t healthy, Tony, you need to get out of the habit of this.” Stephen crossed his arms, leaning against a table as he looked at the shorter man sternly. 

“Sorry, Doctor Wizzardo” Stephen wrinkled his nose at the nickname, getting quite tired of these unfunny quips, though Stark seemed quite proud of himself “but I’ve got work to do. Genius inventor, I have a reputation to uphold.” 

Stephen’s frown deepened as he straightened himself, shifting his hands so that they were folded behind his back. 

“Go to bed, Tony, or else.” Stephen’s voice darkened, taking a deeper tone as to show he was not ready to play around.

This was when everything went to shit. 

“Or else what?” Hummed Tony, more than ready to test the doctor’s limits. He was startled by the sudden reaction, his chair wheeled around so that he was facing Stephen.

Stephen had moved so he was standing right before Tony, and he quickly leaned down, placing a hand on either side of Tony as to hold him in place. 

Tony froze. His brain instantly began to shut down, his brilliant brain cells taking this opportunity to leave him to fend for himself. 

“Do you really want to test me, Stark?” Stephen inquired, his voice deep, husky, and holy shit this is hot. Tony, of course, had a reputation, and quickly regained his posture. 

“Make me, Strange.” He taunted, leaning forward as he looked Stephen straight in the eye. 

And Stephen, prided on his skills in thinking and good decision making (save for texting and driving), who had just been winging it up to this point, acted solely on instinct. 

Stephen leaned in and did the first thing he could think of - kiss the other man. 

It was quite an odd occurrence. Literally everyone, including the two of them, expected Tony would be the one to enact their first kiss. But fate had other plans for them today.

The kiss was hesitant, questioning, unsure. Stephen was afraid, his hands were shaking violently and struggling to hold onto the table. He was afraid that Tony would bush him back, would yell at him to go and never come back.

But that didn’t happen. 

Tony’s brain stopped. He sat there, stunned, before his years of training came back to him. And he kissed back. 

Peter had just been out fighting some random criminal and had damaged his suit, and also wanted to get an upgrade. He walked into Tony’s lab, preparing to speak, before he was stopped by the sight before him. 

Stephen Strange, the cool doctor wizard that had helped Peter with his biology homework once, was leaning over Tony, who’s hands were gripping his collar tightly. They were full on making out, and Peter was quick to rush out of the room.

He made his way to the commons area as quick as he could, bursting into the room. 

“Shuri! You owe me twenty bucks!” Called Peter, alerting the team that was lounging.

“They kissed?” Inquired Natasha, who was currently helping herself to something in the fridge. She peeked up over the door, looking at Peter excitedly. 

“Making out in the lab.” Peter replied, his eyes sparkling. Finally. The entire team knew the two dumbass gays were thirsting after each other, and had been placing bets and setting them up.

Finally, they realized that maybe, they had feelings and maybe, they were mutual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sksksk im sick and was working on make-up work when i had this idea and literally dropped everything to write it 
> 
> ive never really written kisses before so,,,,, yeet?
> 
> also i just found out that david tennant ((the guy always playing dumbass gays)) was in harry potter and i was like ??????????? bro??????? what??????? ((10th doctor is currently my fav btw but ive only seen 9 and 10 lol))
> 
> anhyways have good day and check out 'yeeter yarker and co' for some crackfick twitter shit uwu

**Author's Note:**

> Yooooo you actually read this??? Thanks!!! Don't hesitate to comment or leave kudos, it really means a lot! I could use some ideas for what to happen next chapter lol 
> 
> Have a gr8 day!


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